Been watching Moulin Rouge again, and by the time it got to that lil' lyric above, I realised that I am doing not that much about furthering by "acting" career, in other words, it doesn't really exist yet.

I haven't got a plan yet about the whole audition stage...maybe I should grab myself an agent, or at least get a friend or family member to be my agent so I can audition for stuff that actually pays (unlike the musical in Durham). I don't think I'll get an agent yet though, maybe in my gap year because it'll be easier to commit to the parts I might get.

The real reason why I'm getting all obsessed about my acting future is because I want to make something of myself. I don't want to end up in a normal boring job, I want to have a job I will enjoy everyday and love all the time.

But there's always some thing that holds me back from these things, and thats the large amount of people I know in Darlington....I don't want them to forget me or for me to lose them overall. Also, I hate the fact that my self-belief and overall confidence is diminishing by the second, which will stop me so much from getting on the West End stage, which is SHIT!!

If you haven't guessed already, I'm angry and have a sense of self loathing...it's just one of those days I guess....

xxx